to blog or not to blog?

i enjoy reading blogs. i really do. you can say that i'm curious about everything that's happening with total strangers but some of the blogs i read are really interesting. take for example Wa si Hokkienlang. the author post his entry in the hokkien dialect, and i enjoy trying to guess what's the meaning of certain words. truth to be told, i'm of a hokkien descent, and yet i can't speak hokkien. well, i can understand a little, since many of my friends talks in hokkien most of the time. so, in a way, by reading that particular blog i get to improve my command of hokkien as well, though i'm still not prepared to speak in that dialect in public. at the same time, i find the language to be...quite amusing. it's not degrading of any sort, but it's just funny to me. i often find myself giggling everytime i read a new post on that blog. it's hilarious! oh, while you're checking out the site, try to spot any english/malay words which have been hokkien-ised. for example, "direction" became "lai lek syen", "blog" became "bollok"...you get the idea.

on a different note, i admire all these bloggers. i too, wish to achieve what they've been doing. what i meant here was, i want to keep a record of my thoughts. i hope that sometime in the future, i would be able to look back at all these thoughts and laugh at myself. all these bloggers i've been reading, they are so passionate about blogging. the one thing that's different between them and me is that, i'm a bit of a reserved person. i don't really share my thoughts with all of my friends. perhaps that's why i'm always misunderstood. sometimes, i just wished to be more open about my feelings and all but then again, if i do, i guess i will lose a lot of friends because they read my blog. this is just what happened to a singaporean blogger who's just being honest in her blog. she didn't care about what other thinks about her. she didn't care whether her future boyfriend will find out about her past relationship deep within her blog, heck she didn't even care that she might lose a friend just by being honest! (she actually did lose a few). the problem with me is, i care. i care too much for my friends' feelings to be talking about what i really felt about them. yes, call me fake but the reality is, how many of you can actually take honest criticisms about yourself?

when i first started blogging, it was meant to be some sort of update of my life to all my friends out there. i want them to know what's going on with me without actually telling them. but since a few months ago, i've lost the motivation to blog. i don't have a big readership to start with, and most of the time, i can't post what i really wanted to blog about. let's just say i'm a sissy.

all that being said, we'll see how things go from here on. yeah i know it's a bit lame to end this post like this. so what?