people have been complaining to me for not updating my blog. hehe..i just lost the motivation to blog. i wonder why. probably because the person who got me into the blogging business doesn't blog anymore. (hint: wiyang)

new sem, still the same old me. it's already week 3 and i've been skipping a hell lot of lectures and tutorials. yes, tutorials. i used to have the mentality that i can skip lectures but i will never skip a tutorial. but now, bleh. i don't feel like attending any classes still.

i have sleepless night for the past few weeks. something has been bothering me for quite sometime and i never seem to get over it as soon as i wanted to. it affects my eating habit as well, i just don't have the appetite although i know i need to eat something or else i'll end up in the hospital because of gastric. it's really suffering for not being able to sleep properly. i'll just wake up in the middle of my sleep, heart beating profusely and the mood is like...how should i describe it.. it's like i have something very very urgent that needs to be done at that time. hopefully i can get over this soon and sleep well.

i dont know if this is related but the other day i went to watch resident evil : apocalypse and that very night i have dream which is similar to the movie. i don't know if this can be classified as nightmare as i woke up with cold sweat. the dream was about someone getting killed right in front of my very eyes, brutally. in the movie there's this creature called nemesis which uses a gattling gun (something like a machine gun but much more powerful) to kill. in my dream, there's this guy who was standing (or sitting, can't remember clearly) just centimetres from me, and he was killed using the very same gun. the most vivid scene i can remember is the part where his head got blown away and his brains were splattered all over the place. funny dream eh? all my life i think this is the worst nightmare i ever had. i was so disturbed by that dream that i didn't move much after waking up. no more beheading videos for now.

perhaps it has something to do with the thing which was bothering my mind. i was too tensed up? maybe.

last saturday was my god sister's wedding dinner. she was stunning in her wedding dress. i felt so happy for her because she finally found the man of her dreams. at the dinner, i met many friends who used to train with me in taekwon-do. the funny thing is, all of them said the same thing. "you were so small at that time, now you're all big and tall. it makes us feel so old". yeah i was rather petite at that time. nobody even believed i was a black belter then. well in a way, they remembered. i miss those times when each and everyone of them were very nice to me. i felt so pampered whenever i'm around them. those are some of the happier times i had in my life. the only regret i have is that i never took much photo during my training days. all those memories...

someone said to me yesterday that she can sense that i am a very sensitive person, albeit only knowing me for, like, a week. i did not deny the fact that i'm overly sensitive at times. but what i didn't realize was the fact that i'm putting some sort of pressure on the people around me. maybe this explains why i couldn't stick to a group of friends for too long. i know that i need to change, but i just don't know the way. i might need someone to guide me, but i haven't found that person, yet....